I’m writing this blog as confessional and hoping it will hold me accountable to change. I’ve had Who Moved my Sanity up and running for a few months now, so I figured it was time to explain where the name comes from. It’s pretty simple, really. I lose and misplace everything and it’s caused me to lose my sanity and my husband’s on more than one occasion. I wish there was a more exciting explanation, but that’s about it. He is a very Type A, go-getter, OCD man and I am the complete opposite. Can you tell whose side of the closet is whose?
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been a completely disorganized, scatterbrain. Sheldon says my favorite phrase is, “Well, it should be…..” because anything I touch usually gets put somewhere, never to be found again. My friends call me Dory, because I forget things within five minutes after being told to me. I often joke about it and try to laugh it off, but the truth is, it’s exhausting, stressful, embarrassing and gives me severe anxiety on a daily basis. I’ve hurt people I love unintentionally by making them think what they’ve said or asked of me has been forgotten and deemed unimportant. My mind is never calm. At any given moment, I’m thinking or worrying about ten different things at once and never finish or accomplish any of them. I’m sure I have ADD, but according to the doctor, only children are diagnosed, so I basically have to just deal with it. Gingko Biloba doesn’t help at all. Believe me, I’ve tried it. I want to be organized, I really do. I try making lists, then I forget what I’m supposed to put on those lists, and if by some miracle I actually do remember to write them down, I forget to check the list, or of course- I lose it.
I am a Zumba® Fitness and REFIT® Revolution Instructor. It has been the most amazing experience of my life, besides getting married and having children. It is the only time I truly relax and let go of my self inflicted stress. For the first time in my life, I also feel like what I do is important and makes a positive impact on other people instead of frustrating them. I hardly make any money at all, but there is a greater purpose in what I do. I have had people tell me they are actually enjoying exercise, they can workout with both their moms and daughters and have fun, no matter what physical abilities they have. People have lost weight, gone off diabetic, blood pressure and depression medication, children are no longer being made fun of for not keeping up in PE, but instead are now winning races because they’ve been improving their cardio, attending my classes. The testimonials are incredible and humbling. It has been so rewarding, but has also been a bit overwhelming at times. I can’t turn my brain off and I’ve let it all consume me. I am always going over choreography in my head, watching DVDs, trying to learn new routines, planning fundraisers, answering questions, worrying about forgetting what I’ve learned, scared I’ll freeze on stage and look like a fool, making sure I get the house cleaned in between classes, figuring out what to make and have ready for dinner before I have to teach my evening classes and basically just trying to find balance between family and teaching. Sometimes, I want to throw my iPhone away and go back to my old, reliable Razor. Life before the Facebook and the internet was so peaceful.
I’m currently reading, “52 Weeks to an Organized Life” and I’m really hoping it helps. It’s April and I’m still working on what should’ve been done the first week in January, but that’s beside the point. Baby steps, I suppose. I cleaned up my side of the closet and for the first time ever, I made a to-do list and stuck to it, completing everything I had put on it. This is what happens when an ADD person actually focuses on cleaning out something. A tornado hits, or so it appears.
I am calling myself out now and will continue to update my progress on change. I am asking for help and tips from any of my readers and I’m making a public apology to anyone who I’ve upset or hurt by forgetting a birthday, not returning calls, emails or texts, errands I should’ve done, appointments I’ve failed to show up to, or basically just been in my crazy world and have left you on the sidelines. It wasn’t intentional and I hope you can forgive me. “I’m a change in the making.”